HERAF HOLDS WORKSHOP TO CHART WAY FORWARD FOR SEXUAL MINORITIES

The Human Rights Advocacy Forum (HERAF) last week hosted a workshop in Nairobi seeking to promote the right to health for sexual minorities in Kenya. HERAF, an NGO that brings together health professionals and organizations, advocates for health as a fundamental right in Kenya. The organization brought together health workers and sexual minorities: LGBTIQ: Lesbians, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, Intersexual and Queer people to initiate/promote dialogue between them.

Among the speakers at the workshop was Winnie Lichuma, a Commissioner at KNCHR whose presentation was titled ‘Human Rights and rights of sexual minorities’.Her presentation was very interactive; she prepared those health workers for culture shock and even invited people to share their boarding school experiences. One health worker remembered some lesbians being expelled from her school in the 1980’s.

Winnie Lichuma also read two stories from a book titled ‘Unspoken facts: a history of homosexuality in Africa’ to prove that it is not as ‘western’ or as ‘new’ as people think.

There was a heated debate as health workers tried to understand why people became attracted to others of the same sex. Most of them said they would never accept them but would give them their right to health.

We all agreed that it was the lack of information regarding gay people that has resulted in some of their health rights being violated. Additionally, health workers admitted that there was a unit in their curriculum titled, ‘Sexual deviation’ which tackled the subject of homosexuality but not in detail, even then, it was viewed as abnormal or rare and they never thought it was something so common.

One of the health workers shared an experience she had in 1990; “A HIV+ gay man came to the hospital for care and when I asked where his wife or girlfriend was, he said he had a boyfriend and he was right outside. He called him in and when they both walked in together, I walked out and only came back minutes later. But even as they spoke to me; I was just there and couldn’t even concentrate…,”she said.

A more recent example from another health worker from Thika was this; “Two men and one woman came to get tested at the centre where I work (I was sitting-in for my boss at that time). I couldn’t understand how the other man was related to the man and the woman (who were actually married) but after a few minutes of silence and confusion they explained the situation to me. The two men had been dating for a long time and the woman (who had a child with the man she’s married to) married him because of family pressure but she knew about the two men and accepted the situation. I tried to call my boss because I had no idea how to handle the situation,” she said.

Mr.Nguru Karugu of Public Health Innovations, also a GALCK (Gay & Lesbian Coalition of Kenya) consultant, spoke about safe guarding the rights of sexual minorities in Kenya. He started by pointing out the barriers they face trying to access health care including criminalization, stigma, the lack of applicable health care, forced mental treatment, violence among others.

He invited people to share their experiences and one lesbian explained how she went to a clinic for UTI treatment and was forced to get a pregnancy test inspite of stating her sexual orientation and only got treatment after the nurses surrounded her questioning her about how they do it and who does who. Which raised the question;-Do health workers need to know all this information and from whom?

“Yes! They do need to know so as to be able to know how to test for the condition and give personalized treatment,” it was concluded.

It was found that there was a knowledge gap that needed to be addressed to be able to cater for sexual minorities including the forms of sexual practices. Health workers were also advised to take the onus of responsibility themselves or use organisations like GALCK to educate health workers about the practice.

Pauline Irungu of the Global Campaign for Microbicides (GSM) also gave a presentation titled ‘Less silence, More science; Microbicides and sexual minorities.’

She highlighted the ongoing research, challenges and needs that are being addressed-tackling rectal microbicides in detail.

Attending this workshop made me realize that this topic raised more questions than it gave answers. But that’s a great start as HERAF seeks to support Akiba Uhai in promoting the fundamental right to health for sexual minorities in Kenya.

THE BLACK ICE SHOWER

I was at Liddos last night-with my girl. Liddos is a strip club somewhere in down town Nairobi. Yuwanga imesifika tu sana. It wasn’t like I’ve never been there before. The first and last time was when me and my friend were out on a stripper search for a stag party we were organizing.

But it did not look and feel anything like it did last night. I think they must have renovated it recently coz it did look oh so good.

Liddos’ bright branding, dim lights and décor, porn on all the screens on the walls and the wide-eyed numerous men, hot strippers with only bras and no underwear.

We got ourselves a nice little corner opposite a very active crowd of people, ordered and laid back to feed what? Our visual hungers?

One of the ladies who was dancing on the pole opposite us, is joined by another lady. We noticed more and more guys gathering round to see what these two were up to. We moved closer too. Closer. Closer.

BLACK ICE SHOWER

It all began with these two strippers (one tall and dark, the other short and light-skinned) dancing across from each other, the pole only two inches away.

The short one puts an empty bottle of Smirnoff ice inside the tall ones’ vagina.

Within no time, the dj was asking for a full bottle of black ice to be taken to the two.

The bottles came and the ‘liquid’ was poured into the tall ones’ vagina. The tall one used another empty bottle to empty the same contents into (now hot liquid). Someone in the crowd also poured black ice over the strippers’ bodies. That looks very much like nice slippery tasty oil.

My jaws dropped-I’ve never seen this before you know. And I shocked myself with my own mixed feeling about this-It was absurd yet very erotic I can’t imagine this happening to me. The short one then ‘fucked’ the tall one (legs up) with an empty black ice bottle.

But what turned us both on (besides the lap dance we got much later on) was seeing the tall one slipping in all that wetness of the black ice and heat and sweat and the short one holding onto the pole as the tall one ‘fucked’ her with her body and vice versa.

THINKING OF HAVING A THREESOME?

Almost everybody has fantasized or been pressured into a threesome at one point in their lives. It wasn’t until I had my first experience that I realized how important it was to carefully choose who you should have a threesome with.

 

I thought it was important for me to be with both a woman and a man that I liked so I did just that. It was actually the man who wanted a threesome; I mean, I had thought and fantasized about it but I’d never acted out on it until then.

The woman was a long time lover of mine, the man –not so long, but I really liked him and he was so very sexy.

 

Everything was going extremely well until I broke down and cried. I just couldn’t take it. What exactly? You might ask.

I don’t really know; just imagine this was my first time, these were two people I liked and here we were doing something crazy-almost hellish (or so I thought at that time).

They were both shocked (like I was myself) and have never forgotten to date.

I have had a couple more threesomes but never involving two people I like too much.

Along the way, I have also realized that yes, some threesome can take place without really having planned for them, and these are always so much better, crazier and more exciting.

 

So before you jump into a threesome, chose your participants very carefully. If you like one person too much, you can let him/her take a voyeuristic role-let her/him just be the observer. This would be the case for someone you like too much but can’t stand to see him/her being touched or touching/having sex with someone else.

And of course you shouldn’t forgot to be safe…

Call to duty

A hilarious tale from The Art of seduction sidebar stories

There once lived in the town of Gafsa in Barbary, a very rich man who had numerous kids, among then a lovely and graceful young daughter Alibech. She was not herself a Christian but there were many Christians in the town. One day, having on occasion heard them extol the Christian faith and service of God, she asked one of them for his opinion on the best and easiest way for a person to ‘serve God’ as they put it.

He answered by saying that the ones who served God best were those who put the greatest distance between themselves and earthly goods, as happened in the case of people who had gone to live in the remoter parts of the Sahara.

She said no more about it to anyone, but the next morning, being a very simple –natured creature of 14 or thereabouts, Alibech set out all alone, in secret and made her way towards the desert, prompted by nothing more logical than a strong adolescent impulse.

A few days later, exhausted from fatigue and hunger, she arrived in the heart of the wilderness where, catching sight of a small hut in the distance, she stumbled toward it and in the doorway she found a holy man who was astonished to see her in those parts and asked her what she was doing there. She told him that she’d been inspired by God and that she was trying not only to serve him, but also find someone who could teach her how she’d go about it.

On observing how young and exceedingly pretty she was, the good man was afraid to take her under her wing, lest the devil should catch him unawares. So he praised her for her good intentions and having given her a quantity of herb roots, wild apples and dates to eat and some water to drink, he said to her, “My daughter, not very far from here there’s a holy man who is much more capable than I of teaching you what you want to know. Go along to him” and he sent her upon her way.

When she came to the second man, she told him precisely the same thing and so went on until she arrived at the cell of a young hermit, a very devout and kindly fellow called Rustico to who she put the same inquiry as she’d done to the others. Being anxious to prove to himself that he possessed a will of iron, he did not, like the others, send her away or direct her elsewhere, but kept her with him in his cell, in a corner of which, when night descended, he prepared a makeshift bed out of palm leaves, upon which he invited her to come and rest. Once he’d taken this step, very little time elapsed before temptation went to war against his will power and after the first few assaults, finding himself outmaneuvered on all fronts; he laid down his arms and surrendered. Casting aside pious thoughts, prayers and exercise, he began to concentrate his mental faculties upon the youth and beauty of the girl and to devise suitable ways and means for approaching her in such a fashion that she’d not think it lewd of him to make the sort of proposal he had in mind. By putting certain questions to her, he soon discovered that she’d never been intimate with the opposite sex and was every bit as innocent as she seemed; he therefore thought of a possible way to persuade her, with the pretext of serving God, to grant his desires.

He began delivering a long speech in which he showed her how powerful an enemy the devil was to God, and followed this up by impressing upon her that all the ways of serving God, the one that he most appreciated consisted of putting the devil back in hell, to which the almighty had consigned him in the first place. The girl asked him how this was done, and Rustico replied. “You will soon find out, but just do as you see me doing for the present.” And so saying, he began to divest himself completely naked. The girl followed his example and he sank to his knees as though he were about to pray, getting her to kneel directly opposite. In this posture, the girls’ beauty was displayed to Rustico in all its glory and his longings blazed more fiercely than ever, bringing about the resurrection of the flesh. Alibech stared at this in amazement and said, “Rustico, what is that I see sticking out in front of you, which I do not possess?”

“Oh, my daughter,” said Rustico, “This is the devil I was telling you about. Do you see what he’s doing? He’s hurting me so much that I can hardly endure it.”

“Oh, praise be to God,” said the girl. “I can see that I’m better than you are for I have no such devil to contend with”

“You are right there,” he said. “But you have something else instead that I haven’t.

“Oh?” said Alibech “and what’s that? “

“You have hell,” he said. “and I honestly believe that God has sent you here for the salvation of my soul because if this devil continues to plague the life out of me and if you are prepared to take sufficient pity upon me, to let me put him back into hell, you will be giving me marvelous relief, as well as rendering incalculable service and pleasure to God, which is what you say you have come here for in the first place.”

“Oh father, she replied, “If I really do have hell, let’s do as you suggest just as soon as you are ready.

“God bless you my daughter,” he said. “Let’s go and put him back and then perhaps he’ll leave me alone.”

At which point he conveyed the girl to one of their beds, where he instructed her in the art of incarcerating that accursed fiend. Never having put a single devil into hell before, the girl found the first experience a little painful and she said to Rustico.

“The devil must certainly be a bad lot, true enemy, for as well as plaguing mankind; he even hurts hell when driven back inside it.”

“Daughter, he said, “It will not always be like that,” and in order to ensure it wouldn’t, before moving from the bed, they put him back half a dozen times, curbing his arrogance to such good effect that he was positively glad to keep still all day.

During the next few days, the devils’ pride frequently reared its head again and the girl, ever ready to obey the call to duty and bring him under control, happened to develop a taste for the sport and began saying to Rustico, “I can certainly see what those worthy men in Gafsa meant when they said that serving God was so agreeable. I don’t honestly recall ever having done anything that gave me so much pleasure and satisfaction as I get from putting the devil back in hell. To my way of thinking, anyone who devotes his energies to anything but the service of God is a complete blockhead….”

And so young ladies, if you stand in need of God’s grace, see that you learn to put the devil back in hell, for this is greatly to his liking and pleasurable to the parties concerned and a great deal of good can arise and flow in the process.

By Giovanni Boccaccio The Decameron.Translated by G.H. McWilliam

Embracing the power of your hair

Besides giving or receiving a gentle sensual scalp massage during foreplay, the brushing of natural hair on my skin extremely heightens my sexual desire.

I’m talking about that involuntary brush or the intended/voluntary slow tease of hair sweeping down or across either my back or front side. An approach from behind (paying attention to the neck as well) is animalistic-; a natural instinct that leaves me craving for more. You don’t even need to touch me, just let your natural hair (not oily or weaved) touch and communicate with my skin.

For those who like to have their hair pulled, gently stroked or touched at the height of the moment (like me), fresh natural hair already provides an invitation.

And I guess this is one reason why weaves just do not do it in bed. We all would love to play with or bury our hands into ‘real’ hair and let the tips of our fingers touch and stimulate that ‘natural’ scalp.

This is also another reason why you shouldn’t be surprised when someone says that he/she loves pubic hair (Yes, not everyone is ga-ga about the Brazillian wax). Seeing or touching each other’s pubic hair does heighten sexual desire for some people. Gently stroking each other’s pubic hair (after sex) is a sign of appreciation and acceptance of what just happened, not to mention the relaxing feeling it brings.

Hair (especially natural) can be a very powerful aphrodisiac; the way it looks, feels and smells can turn you on or turn-you-off. Even on a man, nice and clean-cut is good enough, not smelly, sweaty or oily.

So while your prepare every inch of your body and mind for those intimate moments, do not forget the power of your hair.

Warning: Be sure to check with your partner about her likes & dislikes when it comes to hair. Communication is key…

Music for my bedroom antics

You cannot separate music and sex. In the first instance, dancing turns me on and prepares me well for sex. In the second, it serves as a great background before, during and after sex. The issue comes when you need to determine what kind of music works at that time. Some people would rather have sensual slow songs play as the background, others even hard rock metal. All this really depend on who you are with, where,… among other things to consider.

The following are some of the songs I have realized work perfectly well for me in the bedroom.

 

NB: They are in no particular order, and of course they depend on who I’m with.

 

  1. Satisfaction by Benny Benassi

This electro-house music mix by this popular dj and producer just gets it going for me. ‘Push me/  and then just touch me/ Til’ I can get my satisfaction’

And no! It’s not just the lyrics; it’s the varying yet steady rhythm that keeps me there. The mental image as well, of the satisfaction I will give or get. The video-a hot ‘mama’ in a bikini working her way with a drill at a construction site is just too hot. This track is guaranteed to get your partner wanting to satisfy you (or vice versa)   .

 

  1. My neck, my back (lick it) by Khia

‘My neck, my back, lick my pussy and my crack’

Do I really need to say anything while Khia is already doing it for me?

It’s especially ‘hotter’ when I’m with a woman coz I know for sure we won’t get it wrong at all. Plus, we can keep at it for a very very very long time.

 

  1. Sober by Pink

This rock song works best for me when I’m having solo sex. Me touching myself and making love to my own image.

 

  1. Stir it up by Bob Marley

Believe it or not, this one really does ‘stir-up’ those sexy vibes within me; it’s calculated repetitiveness works to bring them up to the surface. Let’s play this song and let’s dance together naked and you have got me wrapped around your little finger and at your service all night.

 

  1. Ullyses by Franz Ferdinand.

Since I heard it, this guy has been my greatest. Ulysses takes me to new places whenever I hear it. This means that during that moment (with Ullyses playing), my thoughts do take flight to someplace new and wild (with my lover).

 

  1. So high by Toni Braxton

‘Oh, I get to high when I’m around you baby, I can touch the sky, you make my temperatures rise’

 

Since I was a teen, Tony B has always raised my temperatures. I think she is hot! Her voice, her body..let me play this as you strip for me and I drool at your abs (or vice versa).

 

  1. Sexual Healing by Marvin Gaye

An 80’s track that will remain timeless and sexy. Let’s have sex and heal each other baby! Thank you Marvin, for praising the positive aspects of sex.

 

  1. Love Scene by Joe

‘Lets make a love scene, smoky and blue…’ he sings.

Who doesn’t want to do that? Yes, take me slow, take me deep, just lets make this scene smoking hot hot!

 

  1. How do you want it by Tupac

Yes! I love hip hop and I will tell you how I want it, if you ask.

 

  1. King of sorrow by Sade

Pain and pleasure for me are very closely linked. Works best when tied up by someone who knows how it’s done. I want to go after this King who kills me with pain, just to get that moments pleasure but I can’t coz ‘m all tied up.

Her smooth voice is enough to get me in a trance..and you know you can get away with anything at that time.

 

BONUS:

a) Peaches and cream by 112. For a bit of ‘playing’ (fun with food) before we get deep into the act.

 b) Do me by P Square. On the dance floor before we go home. This is guaranteed to have me creating images of how I want to ‘do you’ or the way I want you to ‘do me’.

 

What about you, what music/songs work for you and why?

 

Yes, bisexuality is misunderstood

Living as a bisexual can be hard. You would rather be straight or gay and avoid the stigma that comes with the bisexual label. But if you have already realized who you really are, then you do not have a choice and anything otherwise would just be a plain lie.

I am bisexual and I’ve had my own rough moments with straight and gay people alike. I have been labelled a ‘sex addict’, ‘confused’ and even ‘greedy’;-that I want ‘to have my cake and eat it’.

Like every other bisexual in any part of the world, I have had to content with moments of wondering who I really was, what I really wanted and when I was ever going to ‘switch’, something I had been told was inevitable.

I recently attended a sexuality workshop (women only) right here in the city where I had to write down my sexual identity. I looked around me wondering how all the lesbian women around me (the highest percentage, followed by bisexual and a transgendered woman) would ‘view’ me. Then I thought about the person I was currently dating-a lesbian woman. I held my pen for a few seconds longer than (probably) anyone else had. Eventually, I wrote it down-I am bisexual. This means that I can be in a relationship with (or have sex with) a man or a woman. This despite the fact that I tend to be more attracted to women and get into relationships with women. Still, if a ‘hot’ man with a light above the left side of his head dropped before me and I was  SINGLE  and attracted to him-I would get him.

But accepting and acknowledging my sexual identity (sometimes) feels like craziness. Straight men (and women) want to have a threesome with me while lesbians are afraid of getting into a relationship with me because I might leave them for a man. Actually, these were the very words from my lesbian girlfriend who I have been dating for about month now. I have even begun wondering  how and when (if ever) her perceptions of bisexuals will ever change. I know myself, I said, I’m the kind of person who can be in a monogamous relationship with one partner IF IT IS A SATISFYING one. And NO! It is therefore not always true that bisexuals have both a girlfriend and a boyfriend at the same time.

So, inspite of the pressure (non-verbal internal and external) I will still identify as a bisexual because this is who I am.

Doggie Style with her

She’d invited me over to her place for lunch. During previous dates, we’d only just touched, kissed and rubbed against each other.

After lunch, she invited me over to her bedroom to see some of her work.

One thing then led to another and opps! there went my jeans flying across the room, followed by her glasses revealing the most beautiful intense eyes I’ve ever seen.

I am a femme woman but I like to take control whether I am with a fellow femme or butch.I wouldn’t say she is butch because some of her features are very feminine (her hips precisely).I have been dating very femme women in my lifetime and this would be my first time with someone slightly different.

She wanted to take control.

It was really hard to let go of my need for control, but I did-eventually.

The image in my mind right now is of her behind me stark naked and in broad day light we both are.

I’m on my knees, she’s on hers, her very very wetness is rubbing against me-up and down my bum and teasing my own wetness.

She’s pulling my hair ad I’m grabbing her well-formed thighs or pulling her beddings everytime the intensity over flows.

Even if there was a strap-on anywhere near by, I’d have preferred not to use it.

Just thinking about it makes me squirm in my seat and long to be with her again.

FROTTEURISM: MY EXPERIENCE

Frotteurism/Mashers do exist here in Nairobi

I was in a matatu (public transport) number 6 coming from Ngara headed to town. This big guy sat next to me  and within no time, he began, slowly  getting closer to me. Soon, his elbow was rubbing on my breast and he was doing it in a way that no one else could notice.

I wasn’t wearing anything revealing  so I did not quite understand why he was doing it. I wanted to scream and shout and hit him, then walk out of the matatu, but then I chose not to. “Let me see how far he can go,” I told myself.

His pace  and pressure increased. I, on the other hand, kept my eyes fixed on the road ahead. I thought that if I made no move, he would think that I was not feeling aroused and he would stop. Didn’t happen!

He continued to rub his elbow on my breast until it got to a point when he started to move his hand downwards towards my thigh. I had had enough of this perversion and I couldn’t take it no more. I had two choices;

a) To fucking insult him and ‘box’ his brains out-which would only bring attention to me (bad idea)

b) Get up and walk out of the bus. I could walk the rest of the way-it was just about 7-10 minutes to where I had initially intended to alight.

I chose b)- just pushed his hand away and walked out.

i could sense his shock at my sudden exit and the end to his arousal process. I tell you, total nutcases do exist in Nairobi.

But guess what I found out from a book titled Human Sexuality. that kind of person has a name and would have been persecuted (I doubt this in Kenya-go to the police (or make a scene in the bus  and you’ll see just how you will be treated for reporting such an incidence)

I quote: ‘He is called a frotteur or a masher. This is a man who is sexually fixated on having physical contact with others-usually women-in public places without their knowledge or consent.

He seeks out women in places that are sufficiently crowded so that physical contact goes unmarked; buses, elavators, crowded bars, sporting events etc.

He rubs  his his hands , leg, erect penis, or an object such as a newspaper against the woman’s thighs, buttocks, vulva and breasts. In doing so, he imagines that he is in an intimate sexual relationship with the woman, or that the woman is enjoying or is aroused by the contact.

Because he may ejaculate under his clothes during the behaviour, the frotteur may wear a plastic bag or wrap around his penis to prevent any visible staining of his clothes. If he is arrested, evidence of such  precautions may be used to prove his criminal intent. In general however, frotteurs are not noticed or apprehended.’

She wants to have a baby with you?

There comes a time during every woman’s life when she wants to have a baby. Absolutely biologically normal.

There also comes a time when some men also want to have a son or daughter somewhere, even without a wife. He might even be under pressure from his parents.

But why would she be asking you to have a baby with her if you are not her boyfriend, fiancee or husband?

That’s how you know she is today’s liberal Kenyan woman. She might even just have seen in you something she’d like her offspring to have (eyes, nose, height etc.)

She has already realized just how irresponsible men can be. She has realized how absolutely hard it can be to find just the right man for marriage.Or the most common reason, she thinks her biological clock is ticking.

So she has decided to take the matter into her own hands; That if she won’t get married, the least she could do is have a baby.

And depending on her type, (in this case, she’d rather not trap a man by making it happen without his consent) she thought it better to ask, “Can you have a baby with me? I will take care of all the financial implications so don’t worry about that.”

And your reaction would be to just disappear, run for your life or not sleep with her again.

Fully understandable because today’s men just don’t want to deal with babies. They say (even at 35 or 40) that they still ain’t ready-economically or psychologically-or whatever reason is easiest to explain and not sound commitment-phobic.

Yesterday, I’d gone to visit a friend (friend with no benefits) and there were kids all around us. He started giving me stories about this and this girl; One of them asked him to have a baby with her and the other one almost trapped him with a baby who did not belong to him.  He concluded, “I think it’s absolutely ridiculous for someone to say that she/he just wants to have a baby with you!”

Personally, with the increasing cases of divorces, senior bachelors and spinsters, I don’t think the idea is too farfetched.No! Why would some guys be asking for the same thing from fellow women?

Call it Arranged Parentship…

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